The End of Our Twenties

I thought the end of our twenties was when we started to “discover” ourselves. Then why am I still walking around like a chicken with my head cut off? Half the time I leave a conversation thinking to myself “Did I really just say that out loud?” The other half of the time I wonder what am I doing? How did I get here?

Where is my self realization like on the movies? I am waiting for the montage of my life to flash in front of my eyes (with a Bryan Adam’s song playing in the background) and for everything I have done to make sudden sense to me. I am missing that a ha moment.

The difference about not knowing what you were doing when you were nineteen and twenty-eight, is when I was nineteen the unknown was fun. I didn’t know what I was doing and I was okay with that. I just went along for the ride and couldn’t wait to see where it took me. Now, at twenty-eight, I don’t like the unknown. I need security and assurance. Okay, now I am sounding more like I am seventy year old. But you know what I mean. I can’t afford to be carefree. I want to start “living” my adult life. I don’t want to be a kid anymore.

Maybe our thirties is where is all begins. I really could use the instruction manual of life. Let me know if you find it.

E

The Roller-coaster of Life

I know I keep talking about trying to do something new. Trying to do something that is not only out of my comfort zone but thinking out of my self imposed box. Well the fact is, that it is way harder to do that. I can think about change all I want, but I need to do the next step. I need to take the action. Change is a bold and scary thing. Why can I dye my hair red or brown without blinking an eye, but waking up and taking control of my life scares me to death?

I have been on a path of self destruction since I can remember. Eating the wrong food, doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. When I say I am doing and saying the wrong thing, it doesn’t mean I am doing drugs, stealing, etc. What I am trying to say is that I have hid behind a façade of “doing the right” thing. I can’t do that or this because it is bending the rules. I have played it too safe and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

I have been waiting for my life to happen rather than making it happen. Life is not like that. It is there for you to do something with. If life is like a rollercoaster, you have to actually get on the ride.

So I have the insight of what is wrong, do I have the heart to do something about it? I hope so. I am tired of this path I have been taking. It is time to really get ready and leave comfort behind. I have to make the change. I have to take the leap with both eyes wide open. It is my time to do something for me.

Here I go,
E

You can’t fail if you don’t try…

Well that has been my unspoken motto for way too long.  For the last three years, the only risky thing I did was move out and move in with friends, one of which I barely knew at the time.

Why am I so scared to start anything?  Maybe it is my constant fear of rejection. Maybe I am comfortable with living in misery.  Maybe I am scared to know what it is like to succeed.  Well I am can’t live like this anymore.  It is time to try something new.  The way I have been living my life has not been working.

Taking a risk doesn’t nessacarly mean jumping out of the next airplane I see.  Taking a risk means doing something that is out of your comfort zone.  I have a very small peramiter of comfort.  Four walls, no window, just enough room for no fun and no danger.  But today, it is time for me to do something outside the norm.  Today I am going to do something different.  I don’t know what yet, but I am going to take a risk.

I am going to leave my comfort at home, because lets face it, comfort is over rated.  It is time to hit the streets running!

Love,
E

This Year in a Recap

It seems like so little has happen this year. Not one of my most exciting years, not one of my most trying years but either way it wore me out. There were good times, a lot of bad times, but a lot of in the middle times. I had so many plans and I don’t think I did one of them. My life is a mess, my car, my house, and my room. I have no time to do anything. But lets see if I can name ten good things that happened this year.

1. I got to clap these big wooden hands during Oktoberfest; it was really the highlight of my year.
   
2. I went to San Francisco for my Birthday with my Best Friends and had so much fun!
   
3. I went to Texas twice this year!! San Antonio and Dallas!!!!
   
4. I went to the mountains with my friends and caught a fish for the first time!
   
5. I went to Catalina and the Getty Museum (finally) here I got to see some of Monet’s and Van Gough’s work.
   
6. I saw Phantom of the Opera in Las Vegas
   
7. I won the Singles Only Valentine Poker Tournament
   
8. Learned how to make a new cookie—Buck Eyes
   
9. I read and fell in love with the Twilight books, if you haven’t read them you will not understand the phenomenon that goes with it.
   
10. I went to countless number of weddings and had fun at each of them.

So I did a lot of traveling, hung out with my friends and family, had some fun, some drinks, and kept it chill. Thanks to everyone who helped with my memories and kept me laughing. I have some great memories that will stay with me forever. I wish you all the best as 2008 ends and we start our last year in the 200.... One more year and we will be in the tens!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!