Cheating vs. Giving Up

I had a wonderful weekend with friends in Las Vegas for my roommates birthday.  We drank and ate way too much, but what is life without a little fun here and there.

Stepping on the scale made me cringe, because I can see that I gained back some of the hard work I have been putting in for the last month.  I guess that is the funny thing about a weight loss journey.  You are going to have ups and downs.  You are going to have days and weeks where you can't understand what made all the dieting worth it.  But the thing is, in the long run, it is all worth it.  The fries I ate or the ice cream I had for dinner is always going to be there.  I don't have to eat it like it is going out of style.  I don't need to eat all the crap in the world.

Healthy food tastes just as good.  I am back and focusing on getting back on track.  I will get to where I want to be.  Each day is a new day.  If a battle is lost, that is all it is.  A battle lost.  But I will not give up.  I will except that there will be cheat days.  There will be times where I eat fried food.  But they will not take over my life.  I am not what I eat.  I am not what I weigh.  I am me, a human, and I make mistakes, but it is what I do with those choices that define me.

Never backing down,

E

Living Thirty

I am not going to write about being thirty like I am a professional at it.  Everyday is a new day and as of today I can honestly say I love being in my thirties.  I feel like a lot of the crap I worried about in my twenties melted away.  I can focus more on being me and less on pleasing others.

Pleasing others is in my nature.  I am not quite sure where I picked up the character trait to fear displeasing others, but it is one of my fatal flaws.  Okay, that was overly dramatic...maybe not fatal, but it is a trait that has held me back both professionally and personally.

A year and half ago I started on a journey of focusing my life around me.  I know, what a strange concept, but it has paid off.  I am over 50lbs lighter.  Happier and loving life.  Losing weight is hard at any age and at any starting weight.  Something I have learned on this journey is that everyone, no matter their shape or size is insecure about something.  We are all fighting battles out there.  Be kind to each other, because you don't know what is going on behind closed doors.

Thought for the day: Try something new, even if it scares you.  I am going to be taking a risk tonight...it is not a big one, but it is out of my comfort zone.  We will see if taking a risk will gain rewards.

Shoot for the moon,
E

Getting My Wings

I have talked about it before, two years ago to be exact, but I think I want to train to be in a half marathon.  I don't want to do anything too crazy like trying to complete a full marathon.  Disney has given me a chance to be inspired to run.  LOL.  I never thought that sentence would enter my mind, let alone something I would write down for all to see.

Disney is doing a Tinkerbell Run.  Tinkerbell happens to be my favorite Disney character.  She is short, sassy, and follows her own rules.  It is going to take a lot of training.  I am going to have to treat working out like a part of my life.  Mentally I have to force myself to take this step.

I am excited and scared all at the same time.  I don't want to set myself up to fail.  In the beginning I might have the passion to try, but what happens at the end?

I want to do this, but can my want turn into me actually doing this?

Wish me luck,
E

The End of Our Twenties

I thought the end of our twenties was when we started to “discover” ourselves. Then why am I still walking around like a chicken with my head cut off? Half the time I leave a conversation thinking to myself “Did I really just say that out loud?” The other half of the time I wonder what am I doing? How did I get here?

Where is my self realization like on the movies? I am waiting for the montage of my life to flash in front of my eyes (with a Bryan Adam’s song playing in the background) and for everything I have done to make sudden sense to me. I am missing that a ha moment.

The difference about not knowing what you were doing when you were nineteen and twenty-eight, is when I was nineteen the unknown was fun. I didn’t know what I was doing and I was okay with that. I just went along for the ride and couldn’t wait to see where it took me. Now, at twenty-eight, I don’t like the unknown. I need security and assurance. Okay, now I am sounding more like I am seventy year old. But you know what I mean. I can’t afford to be carefree. I want to start “living” my adult life. I don’t want to be a kid anymore.

Maybe our thirties is where is all begins. I really could use the instruction manual of life. Let me know if you find it.

E

The Roller-coaster of Life

I know I keep talking about trying to do something new. Trying to do something that is not only out of my comfort zone but thinking out of my self imposed box. Well the fact is, that it is way harder to do that. I can think about change all I want, but I need to do the next step. I need to take the action. Change is a bold and scary thing. Why can I dye my hair red or brown without blinking an eye, but waking up and taking control of my life scares me to death?

I have been on a path of self destruction since I can remember. Eating the wrong food, doing the wrong thing, saying the wrong thing. When I say I am doing and saying the wrong thing, it doesn’t mean I am doing drugs, stealing, etc. What I am trying to say is that I have hid behind a façade of “doing the right” thing. I can’t do that or this because it is bending the rules. I have played it too safe and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere.

I have been waiting for my life to happen rather than making it happen. Life is not like that. It is there for you to do something with. If life is like a rollercoaster, you have to actually get on the ride.

So I have the insight of what is wrong, do I have the heart to do something about it? I hope so. I am tired of this path I have been taking. It is time to really get ready and leave comfort behind. I have to make the change. I have to take the leap with both eyes wide open. It is my time to do something for me.

Here I go,
E

You can’t fail if you don’t try…

Well that has been my unspoken motto for way too long.  For the last three years, the only risky thing I did was move out and move in with friends, one of which I barely knew at the time.

Why am I so scared to start anything?  Maybe it is my constant fear of rejection. Maybe I am comfortable with living in misery.  Maybe I am scared to know what it is like to succeed.  Well I am can’t live like this anymore.  It is time to try something new.  The way I have been living my life has not been working.

Taking a risk doesn’t nessacarly mean jumping out of the next airplane I see.  Taking a risk means doing something that is out of your comfort zone.  I have a very small peramiter of comfort.  Four walls, no window, just enough room for no fun and no danger.  But today, it is time for me to do something outside the norm.  Today I am going to do something different.  I don’t know what yet, but I am going to take a risk.

I am going to leave my comfort at home, because lets face it, comfort is over rated.  It is time to hit the streets running!

Love,
E

He winked at me!

On-line Dating.  Yuck.

So whoever said online dating was easier than meeting someone in real life, was smoking crack.  The same rules that apply for lets say, picking up someone at a bar, still applies in the wonderful world of online dating.  Except here, guys & girls can narrow done their search for Mr. or Ms. Right down to weight, eye color, and political views. What a way to start a relationship! “Hi, you meet 90% of my criteria, let’s chat.”

I am no saint.  I have also narrowed down my search when looking for Mr. Right.  Silly me though for thinking if I try to find someone with most of the same interests and physical appearance as me, this would even the playing field for love.  But I was mistaken.  Online dating is just another form of rejection, only I am paying to be rejected.  At least in a bar I can drink while being judged.

Now before you think I am just being Debbie Downer, let’s think about it.  In a club or a bar, people are judging you.  You are judging them.  All the single (sometimes the married ones too) are scouting the place, looking for a perspective mate.  There might even be some physical winking involved.

But the rejection is not at the surface.  There is nobody walking by going “Thank you for your interest but due to a, b, or c we are not a good match.”  No at a club or a bar you can have a good time and live in perfect fantasy that you are having a good time even though nobody noticed you.

Maybe I am just being Bitter Betty.  For some people it actually worked.  But guess what, for some people it actually worked to bump into someone on the street.  I am not going to give up yet.  I still have five months paid for on Match, and if I don’t get a match by the end of the five months and I followed their protocol. I get another 6 months for free.  (Claps both hands and jumps)  Yippee!!!

Here is to winking,
E